Archive for the ‘The World’s Deadliest Belief’ Category

Hiding in Plain Sight – The One Thing You’ve Been Looking For

Friday, August 15th, 2014

Hiding In Plain SightHave you ever lost something, only to later discover that it was hiding in plain sight? Perhaps, the note you just wrote—the one to remind yourself to remember—right along with your reading glasses?

What if I told you that there’s something you’ve been looking for—for the whole of your life—and that’s been under your nose the entire time you’ve been looking for it?

If you don’t already know what it is, let me give you a moment to ponder that before I tell you what it is. Let’s just say that it’s the single most important thing that any of us wants and will ever need, but we blindly look around it everyday. And, just like your elusive reading glasses, it’s been hiding in plain sight.

Here’s an illustration of what I mean. Imagine a woman—let’s call her Hope— is doggedly driving through an intense thunderstorm to meet a man she doesn’t even know yet. You see, Hope’s been looking for The One Thing in life that would make her happy—a relationship with the man of her dreams; and now, someone has kindly fixed her up on a blind date with a guy that seems to have everything she’s been looking for.

Earlier in the evening, as Hope is excitedly getting ready for her date, she makes sure that every hair is in place, rehearses her most charming smile, thinks of ten interesting things to bring up in conversation and frets that the outfit she’s wearing is maybe a little too tight in all the wrong places. After checking her imagine in the mirror a dozen times, she finally feels okay enough to venture out into the night to meet with Mr Right.

Then, just as she’s about to leave, the heavens open up in a crack of lightening, very quickly followed by what appears to be the Niagara River pouring out of the sky.

But our heroine is not to be deterred. With the reckless determination of a warrior going into battle, brandishing her umbrella, she sets out into the storm. Neither the flooded roads, nor the torrent of rain, lightening and—Oh, my god, that sounded like a bomb just went off—is going to keep her from her appointed hour.  She’s on a quest to find the One Thing she knows is missing in her life. This one might be The One.

Soon Hope arrives at the coffee shop, just early enough to stop into the rest room for a last minute smooth down and fluff up. None the worse for wear, sitting down now, she waits for her date to arrive.

And then . . .  she waits, and she waits, and then—she waits a little more. As the minutes tick off, her anxiety ratchets up. Forty-five minutes later, her thoughts begin to eddy and then whirlpool around a dreaded thought—Oh my god, the bas#@!d has stood me up!”

Poor Hope. She expected to be Cinderella meeting Prince Charming at the Ball only to end up with a ‘fine how do you do’ at Pity Party Central.

Utterly deflated, Hope feels like she’s somehow lost what she’s been looking for; which not so ironically, she never had in the first place. And in that, she wouldn’t be alone. In fact, she’d have tons of company.

How many times have you set your sights on the One Thing you thought would make you happy, only to find disappointment at the end, either because it didn’t arrive or, when it did, wasn’t all that you hoped it would be?

It might have been a new career or job, a new home, a new car, or—like Hope—a shiny new relationship. And how soon was it before the new car became the old car with balding tires, or the new lover became the idiot who never remembers to refill the gas tank in the aforesaid car? Hmm, makes you think, right?

For many of us, The One Thing we’re looking for quickly turns into a case of frustration in disguise. And if you’re counting yourself as one of the many, chances are you’ve found a ton of disappointment along the way. The fact is, in looking for what you think The One Thing is, you end up missing what you’re really looking for. But here’s the good news: it’s hiding in plain sight and there’s a way to take the blinders off.

Research shows that what we’re really looking for is mistakenly attached to the things we strive to get or achieve in life. Because what we truly want is an essential state of being we think we’ll experience when we finally get them.

So whether you’re looking for your dream job, the perfect lover, or enough money to buy that new car, what you’re really looking for is The One Thing we all want. Although we may use different words to describe what it is to us—whether it’s contentment, joy, happiness or peace—we’re all looking to find a way to feel completely okay in ourselves and our world.

But as long as you’re looking for conditions and things to satisfy your deepest longing for your One Thing, you’ll continue to look around it. On the other hand, the moment you let go of the conditions and things that you’ve attached to The One Thing—things that are completely outside your control—you’ll immediately discover being okay with yourself and your world has been hiding in plain sight.

We all want to find our The One Thing but, in looking for people, circumstances and things to be okay first, we put it outside our ability to find it. But that’s backward thinking—because if we discover and claim our essential okay-ness first, we’re suddenly able to be okay in a ‘not okay’ world. In other words, what’s happening in the world may not be entirely okay with you, but you can choose to be okay within it. Being okay doesn’t mean that you have to suffer the world as it is. You can work toward making changes and finding satisfaction in achieving your ambitions and desires and do it with an ‘essential okayness.’

You don’t need to wait around for it. Because a core state of okay-ness is not being sold at your local car dealership, something a new job will provide, a loved one can give you, or underneath the scratch off on a lottery ticket. If you look in the mirror, you only need look straight at it to see that it’s been there all along—hiding in plain sight.






The Three Thieves of Happiness

Monday, July 14th, 2014 you want to be happy? It’s a simple question. Or is it?

One of my favorite reads over the last few years has been The Untethered Soul, by Michael A. Singer.

Singer proposes that there is only one fundamental choice to make in life.

“The highest spiritual path is life itself. If you know how to live daily life, it all becomes a liberating experience. But first you have to approach life properly, or it can be very confusing. To begin with, you have to realize that you really only have one choice in this life, and it’s not about your career, whom you want to marry, or whether you want to seek God. People tend to burden themselves with so many choices. But, in the end, you can throw it all away and just make one basic, underlying decision: Do you want to be happy, or do you not want to be happy? It’s really that simple. Once you make that choice, your path through life becomes totally clear.”

So what’s your answer to this essential question: Do you want to be happy? Yes or no?

Okay, I’m a great psychic. You answered, yes. Didn’t you?

But did you really? Or did you actually answer the question, “Do you want to be happy, when and if?” Because—for most of us—our answer to the first question is really a qualified yes—as in, yes, as long as certain conditions are met first.

And it’s these qualifications that I’ve come to think of as The Three Thieves of Happiness.

So I’ve put out a BOLO—police lingo for be on the lookout—for these three thieves, along with a way to keep them from breaking into your House of Happiness.

Thief #1 — Wait For It, It Won’t Happen Until

This thief has convinced you that you must wait for your happiness. You can’t be happy until you get that job, meet the partner of your dreams, get in shape, or win the lottery. The idea that your happiness has to wait for some future condition has crept in and stolen the happiness right out from underneath your nose.

Here’s how to keep this thief out of your House of Happiness:

Being content or grateful for what you have now is the best defense against this thief.  Even if you want something in your life to change, you can be happy while waiting for it.

Start by seeing the opportunity in your present condition. What you’re presently experiencing is a necessary part of the journey toward realizing your future dream. You can’t get there unless you travel the only road currently available to you.

It might be a little bumpy but it’s going to get you there, nevertheless. Even if you’re at the 50 mile marker on a 100 mile road, you’re on it. And once you arrive, your future dream will be there at the end of it. Just keep moving, and be grateful for the journey. If you haven’t arrived, yet, that doesn’t mean that you have to be unhappy the entire way there. You can choose to be happy. Say only, yes!

Thief # 2 — Only If and When

You’re holding out for a better world—The World According to Me. I’ll be happy only if and when my husband remembers flowers on our anniversary, the kids listen, drivers are courteous, and the current world politics are to my liking. You’re holding out for the world to conform with your rules—your personal preferences, opinions, and judgments.

This thief is the incessant and ludicrous idea that the world and all the people in it must meet all of your expectations of how things should be. You set yourself up with conditions which must be met before you’ll allow yourself to choose happiness. You’re using  your misery to prove a point.

Here’s how to keep this thief out of your House of Happiness:

It’s simple: Stop expecting life to unfold according to your set of shoulds. Anytime you’re unhappy, it’s because you have an expectation of life that it doesn’t have of itself. Saying something shouldn’t be the way it is, won’t change that it IS. Whether you like it or not, it is what it is. You’re being unhappy in an unhappy world doesn’t make it any less unhappy. To quote Dr. Switzer (a.k.a, my favorite comedian, Bob Newhart) , “STOP IT!” You can choose to be happy instead. Say only, yes!

Thief # 3 — The World’s Deadliest Belief (TWDB)

You unconsciously believe: “Other people, events and circumstances are the cause of how I think, feel and behave.”

If ever there was a Master Thief, this one has got to be it!

It doesn’t just steal from your House of Happiness, it pulls it up and takes it away—foundation and all. You can never go home again!

In giving your truth to TWDB, you give it permission to single-handedly steal your sense of control over the responses you have in life. Instead of consciously responding to life, you find yourself in a constant state of knee jerk reactions. This thief doesn’t need to steal your house, because you’re giving it away.

Here’s how to keep this thief from taking your House of Happiness:

Decide for yourself that no one and nothing has the power to make you think, feel or do anything, without your express permission. I finally got this one when a question rebounded in my brain, “who’s the jerk in knee-jerk?” And it was me.

I get that you might not like what’s happening or what other people say and do, but that’s not the cause of your unhappiness. It’s your interpretation—the meaning you’re making up about what it means about you or for you— that’s got your knickers in a twist. Find out what’s missing in your perspective or beliefs that—if you had it—would eliminate your upset.

Work on creating a solution out of the answer to that question and live from it and through it.

Be a chooser, not a loser. There’s no gain in giving away “your house.” Choose to make it burglar proof.

In short, make enduring happiness more important than any circumstance, event or anyone’s opinion and your life suddenly becomes unflaggingly happy.

The Three Thieves might not be happy, but you sure will!





The Shield Program – Bully Proofing Our Kids

Friday, November 9th, 2012

With all the outrage, talk and interest in the topic of bullying, why is it getting worse?

Find out the answer to that question and our surprising solution to the problem of bullying by tuning into WHAM 1180 at 7pm on Sunday.   We’ll be hosting an ‘Ask the Experts” hour entitled “Bully Proofing Our Kids – Taking The ‘Mean” Out of the Meaning We Give Words.”

Want a little preview of what’s behind our message?  Here’s Jim at this year’s Flour City TEDx on the “World’s Deadliest Belief” … and remember to tune in on Sunday night at 7pm to join in the conversation.  Looking forward to hearing from you.