Archive for the ‘new’ Category

The Shield Program – Bully Proofing Our Kids

Friday, November 9th, 2012

With all the outrage, talk and interest in the topic of bullying, why is it getting worse?

Find out the answer to that question and our surprising solution to the problem of bullying by tuning into WHAM 1180 at 7pm on Sunday.   We’ll be hosting an ‘Ask the Experts” hour entitled “Bully Proofing Our Kids – Taking The ‘Mean” Out of the Meaning We Give Words.”

Want a little preview of what’s behind our message?  Here’s Jim at this year’s Flour City TEDx on the “World’s Deadliest Belief” … and remember to tune in on Sunday night at 7pm to join in the conversation.  Looking forward to hearing from you.

 

An Inspiring New Book and an Unbelievable Offer

Wednesday, April 25th, 2012

A few of you have asked where we’ve been these last few weeks (the blog has been blog-less).  Well,  we can finally tell you – we’ve been undercover, hard at work creating a free on-line video self-study course, “How to Survive a Mental Highjacking.”

In it, we’ve put together 7 of the very best, easy to learn techniques for how to maintain control during stressful times.  The good news … you can grab it for free – as part of an incredible offer you won’t want to miss.  The even better news … it’s only one in over $1,900 in FREE trauma support resources from PROJECT GIVE BACK, plus a chance to become eligible for over $6,400 in raffles.

You see, our friend and colleague, Michelle Rosenthal over at Heal My PTSD, encouraged nearly 50 of her colleagues and friends to celebrate the launch of her fabulous and inspirational book, “Before the World Intruded” by participating in what she’s calling “Project Give Back.”  By simply purchasing her book – which by the way is priceless – you’ll gain instant access to an amazing array of free gifts and an opportunity to win some fabulous prizes.

I guess you could say Michelle has a lot of admirers and supporters.  Here’s why …

As if offering inspiration, support and education on her blog and radio show weren’t enough, she’s now written a very candidly moving and poignant memoir chronicling her own journey from trauma to healing.  Like many of the people she’s written this book for, Michelle endured years of struggle without knowing the cause.  But finally understanding what had happened to her was just the first step.  The story of her courage to move forward to find answers and how she came to heal herself will leave you inspired and moved to take action in your own life.  More than a memoir, it’s serves as a testimony to anyone’s ability to not simply survive but to thrive in the face of adversity.

In a bid to reclaim her life and heal her soul Michele boldly left the world she knew in search of a self she could barely imagine. From New York City to South Florida she traveled on an odyssey that took her from the depths of despair to the heights of joy, from her kitchen floor to the dance floor, from a child frozen in helplessness to a woman who is powerful, courageous and free. In her transformation lie the seeds for anyone who wants to conquer the past and create the future. This transcendent book shows what can happen when you discover who you are and then choose who you most deeply want to be.

Advance praise for the book has been spectacular:

“Whenever I feel sad that I’ve finished a book, I know I’ve been transformed by its pages. Michele’s story is incredibly moving, and beautifully written. I’m a lover of words and her prose is rich, descriptive and fluid off the tongue.”

~Deborah Serani, PsyD, Author of Living with Depression: Why Biology and Biography Matter on the Path To Hope and Healing

Michele is a courageous heroine, but she’s also very accessible. She explores the darkest days of her life with a brave, open heart, tirelessly learning painful lessons, which she shares with an engaging vulnerability. When she finally dances into a life free of trauma, we dance alongside Michele happily. I loved her generosity and humanity in this important, beautiful book.

~ Priscilla Warner, author, Learning to Breathe – My Yearlong Quest to Bring Calm to My Life

“Before the World Intruded is a transporting story of trauma and recovery. An addictively readable memoir that carries the reader along —from [the story of] a child’s exposure to a life-threatening illness, through years of post-traumatic stress, to a grown-up woman’s euphoric recovery. By the end of the book you will be crying and laughing at once, and applauding Michele Rosenthal for her courage.”

~Jessica Stern, Expert on trauma and terror, Author of Denial: A Memoir of Terror and Terror in the Name of God.

“The twenty-six year journey beautifully described in Before the World Intruded shows how deeply rooted trauma can become. Much can be learned by reading this book. Most importantly, Michele Rosenthal had the courage to seek an escape from the inescapable—and that is a choice that anyone afflicted with traumatic memories must make every day.”

~ Ron Ruden, MD, PhD, author, When the Past Is Always Present: Emotional Traumatization, Causes, and Cures

When asked why she wrote the book, Michele explains,

“The funny thing is, I didn’t set out to write this book. When I first began writing I was only trying to heal myself by being able to tell myself the story of what happened to me. Once I wrote out my trauma, however, it seemed only natural to chronicle my struggle to overcome it. By the time I reached the final part of the book, ‘Healing’, I had taken control of the project. I began to feel there was a purpose to telling my story. By then, I had met survivors of different traumas struggling with exactly the same issues I was. Through my connections and conversations with them I came to understand that we don’t heal in isolation, we heal in community. While we are individual in our traumas, we are incredibly universal in our post-trauma experience. There is enormous value in sharing our stories so that we all learn from each other to hope, believe and work toward lives free from the effects of the past.”

To learn more about the book and get your own copy (plus almost $2,000 of free trauma support gifts), visit http://www.beforetheworldintruded.com between now and May 2nd.

Truth or Consequences? Pick One

Thursday, March 1st, 2012

“When it comes to The Truth, all of us are liars.” (sayings by lp)

Truth can never be measured in absolute terms of truth-y-ness (yup, I just made that up).

Truth is relative … it’s not absolute.  What is unquestionably true for any one individual or group is often questionable to another.

Just ask Republicans and Democrats.  They can look at the exact same evidence and use it to support their own version of The Truth.  Which is just their way of saying what they believe to be true.

You might ask, “How does this happen?”  Well, chalk it up to the fact that GrayBall the Brain is a meaning making machine.  It’s constantly evaluating situations and circumstances to assess what they might mean.

When we’re children, these meanings are almost exclusively about who we are, and our relationship to the world around us.  These meanings later come to shape the Truths we come to live by . . . in other words, our beliefs.

Unfortunately, all this is taking place at a time when Brain is woefully lacking in “executive function,” not to mention life experience.  It’s not able to assess whether any given meaning is healthy or toxic.  Keep in mind that it’s essentially making the meaning up in the first place.  And the meaning it’s making up?  That’s what makes this so crazy – because it’s no more true than any other meaning it could be making up, if only it knew to make it.

Are you beginning to see the problem here?

But wait . . .  it gets even crazier.  Because once GrayBall makes up a meaning, it then looks for evidence to support it, which it then uses as a way to ‘make true’ its meaning.

So, although we might think that our beliefs are founded on evidence, it’s really the other way around.  We believe something is true; therefore, we see evidence that it is.  There’s a saying, “If you walk through the world with a hammer, you’ll find a lot of nails.”

Did you catch the fundamental flaw in all of this?

That’s right … Brain doesn’t look for counter-examples that don’t support it’s meaning. Like a heat seeking missile; it’s only looking for what it’s looking for … never what it’s not.

And, because it didn’t look for counter evidence to begin with, it will never look for it in the future.  That’s why people continue to carry a felt belief that they are not capable, or good enough, or (fill in the blank) even after accumulating of a ton of life experience (evidence) to the contrary.

GrayBall makes up the meaning, finds the evidence, and then convinces itself that the meaning it only made up in the first place is – in fact – the only possible Truth.  Ultimately creating a situation in which no other meaning can then exist.

And if that’s not crazy, I don’t know what is.

This is why it’s nearly impossible to have a sensible discussion about what’s True and what’s Not True.  And it also explains why it’s a futile endeavor to try to talk someone out of a belief… especially when it comes to themselves.  GrayBall has tricked them into believing that what they think about themselves is verifiably true.

So depending on how you look at it, unfortunately, there is no Truth-o-Meter.  There’s no way to measure absolute Truth.

But fortunately, there’s something we can measure.  And that’s the result any particular Truth has on our lives.

Simply stated, we can measure the consequences of holding onto a belief.  Rather than focusing on whether or not something is True, we can ask whether it was ever useful to believe it in the first place.

That’s why I am always more interested in the consequences of a Truth over its relative truth-y-ness.  One I can measure.  The other?  Well, it just starts arguments.

So here’s a challenge for you.

What Truths are operating in your life?  What do you think is true about you?

And, more importantly, what do these truths cost you in terms of happiness, fulfillment, passion, enthusiasm, or optimism?  Are they supporting your success or are they undermining it?

Because if your Truths are questionable, the results of hanging on to ones that don’t support you are not.

So pick one.  Truth? … or … Consequences?

 

5 Ways to Get Your Happy On

Monday, January 30th, 2012

With the heavy skies of winter blanketing most of the Northeast this time of year, many of us are struggling to keep our sunny dispositions intact.

But intentional activities and practices can account for as much as 40% of the individual differences in happiness, whatever the weather may be.

Here are 5 quick ways to get your happy on, regardless of the weather.

Set a Sunny Outlook

Your inner world directs your outer experience.   Where the mind goes, the body follows and along with it the ability to quickly transform your mood.

Grey skies got you down?

Close your eyes and as vividly as possible imagine yourself in your favorite place in nature with the sun streaming down on your upturned face.

Picture a brilliant sun against a clear and cloudless blue sky, feel the heat on your skin and the light of the sun bright red behind your closed eyelids, hear all of nature alive with summer.

Relax into the warmth on your skin, smooth the muscles of your face, take a few deep breaths, smile and quietly notice, “when there is sun within, the sun is always out.”

Now open your eyes and notice how much brighter everything looks.

Move Your Body, Move Your Mind ~ Try Something New

Rather than going into hibernation this winter, give yourself a boost with the anticipatory thrill of the new.

If you’ve been promising yourself to try salsa dancing, indoor rock climbing, learn a new language, or join a book club, now is the perfect time of the year.

Although many of us try to beat the doldrums by pursuing passive activities such as surfing the net or checking out our Face Book page, research shows that after about 30 minutes they start sapping our energy.

Our brains love to be challenged.  And novelty often sparks a feeling of natural vitality simply by engaging in new activities.

Something to keep in mind … one man’s mountain is another man’s public podium.

The more thrilling and challenging the activity is to you – and the bigger the perceived risk – the more likely it is to light up the reward centers of the brain.  The riskier the behavior the more nature’s natural anti-depressant, dopamine, is produced in the brain.

Perhaps, for you,  a course in public speaking is every bit as adventurous and risky as skiing down a mountain.

Volunteer Your Time or Do Random Acts of Kindness

Research has proven the adage, “It is better to give than to receive.” 

It increases our general sense of well-being and may lead to a longer life, expressly when it is tied to altruism and service.

Never do we feel as good as when we are helping someone less fortunate than ourselves.  Keep in mind, it’s best to mix it up a bit.  Five small kindness spread out over the course of five days is more beneficial to your level of happiness than one big grand gesture.

On a more practical note, it may well help to control our tendency to imagine and then compare ourselves with others more fortunate than ourselves.  It often serves to remind us to be more realistic in our views about how fortunate most of us truly are when we are helping others less fortunate than ourselves.

Pay Attention to All You Have to Be Grateful For

Being mindful of what we have to be grateful for helps us minimize the brain’s natural tendency to create what I call “a not quite satisfied set-point” in our lives, where things never seem quite good enough.

This set-point often results in us taking too many things for granted. Things that immediately become more valuable to us in their loss than they once were when we had them . . .  a standard of living, a loved one, or our health.

So what if the sun isn’t shining today?

Instead of feeling grouchy, be grateful for the electricity to power a light, the loved one that forgets to turn it off, and the ability to get up and turn it off yourself.

If you’re afraid this might kill your ambition or drive, think again.  Research shows that happy, satisfied people are more productive and successful in all areas of their life.

By noticing what you have with a “good enough for now, moving toward better” attitude, you can balance the gratitude you already feel with the drive and desire to have or experience more.

Rather than using unhappiness as a way to motivate yourself to be happy in the future, notice that gratitude can increase your sense of success and happiness right here in the now.  By recognizing how much you already have it’s much easier to notice how much more you can create.

Watch Your Spending Habits

It’s not so much that we spend money, it’s what we spend it on that counts.

Buy yourself a different kind of ‘retail therapy’ this winter.  Rather than shop for the latest gadget or new pair of shoes, go to the movies, take a short vacation, or host a party.

Research shows that people get more satisfaction purchasing experiences over things.  So if you have to, go ahead and buy yourself that new outfit, just remember to make memories while you’re wearing it.